The Gospel Accordin' To John

(Kinky Friedman, Roger Friedman)
He was just an old-time preacher on the ol?? time radio
But they never learn to listen till they lived enough to know.
I used to walk out on that porch when mama??d turn the durn thing on
To the Gospel accordin?? to John.

Her mail-order prayer shawl fell across her silver hair,
Her sad eyes saw a better world when John came on the air.
Mama had someone to turn to ?? she was rockin?? all night long
To the Gospel accordin?? to John.

You see, she was a blind believer in John??s bible beatin?? game.
He??d heal ?®em, wheel ?®em, deal ?®em, bless ?®em in Heaven??s name.
Onward Christian soldiers, just a dollar and a half
Buys a photo of Jesus with an autograph.

And Jesus was a-watching from the table by the door
When that rockin?? chair grew silent and that shawl fell to the floor.
I walked out on that porch because I couldn?°t find a prayer
When a kindly voice come a-cracklin?? ?®cross the air.

Said, ?°Folks, them righteous times are comin?°, I say, they??re comin?? right on back.
You can hop that gospel train,?± he said, ?°from both sides of the track.
Some people prayin??, keep a-listenin??, keep a-helpin?? out the show,
?®Cause ol?? John??s with you anywhere you go.?±

Now some folks claim the Scriptures are the only living truth,
Others swear by Peter, Paul or Matthew, Mark or Luke,
Ah but there ain??t a nicer passage just to sail a dream upon
Than the gospel accordin?? to John.

He was just an old-time preacher but he answered mama??s call,
His words may never save a soul, but his faith could heal us all.
?®Cause life's a sacred pilgrimage whatever trip you??re on
And that's the gospel accordin?° to John.

Recitation:
God bless you, John ?? you ol?? devil ...