Cosmik Debris

from the Frank Zappa LP "Apostrophe"


The mystery man came over
and he said "I'm outta sight!"
he said for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nirvana tonight.
If I was ready, willing and able
to pay him his regular fee,
he would drop all the rest of
his pressing affairs and devote
his attention to me.

But I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me."

THe mystery man got nervous
as he fidgeted around a bit,
he reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
and he whipped out a shaving kit.
Now I thought it was a razor
and a can of foaming goo,
But he told me right then when the top popped open,
there was nothin' his box won't do,
with the oil of Aphrodite, and the dust of the Grand Wazoo.
He said "You might not believe this, little fella,
but it'll cure your asthma too."

But I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me."

"I've got troubles of my own", I said
"and you can't help me out,
so take your medications and your preparations
and ram it up your snout!"
"But I got the crystal ball", he said
and held it to the light,
So I snatched it all away from him,
and I showed him how to do it right.

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head,
so I looked like I was deep,
I said some mumbo-jumbo,
then I told him he was going to sleep.
I robbed his rings and pocketwatch,
and everything else I found,
I had that sucker hypnotized,
he couldn't even make a sound.
I proceeded to tell him his future;
then, as long as he was hanging around
I said "The price of meat has just gone up,
and your old lady has just gone down!"

And I said "Look here brother-who you
jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?
Don't you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
Don't waste your time on me."