I Do My Crosswords In Pen

ink bleeds deeper
when pressed hard,
soaks through paper and
leaves stains on the table.
you don't look how i pictured.
you don't look quite
how i remember.
i'll tell myself
"i cannot surround me."
but some smiles both resurrect,
and drain the life from me.
i don't tell you everything.
it's heartless,
the pictures remind me
i'm calloused to smiles.