So Many Nights

so many nights i prayed that this would just stop.
awoke out of my sleep by a sound of a popped lock
my heart would drop to the ground, maybe the fact that my
pops wasn't around forced you to found these guys that would
just knocked you down or beat you around.
i don't know. my innocence was lost back then not to be found
and in a sense its like this world was just weighing me down,
leaning it's weight hard on my shoulders.
making my heart less warm and much more colder,
chip off my tooth and a chip on my shoulders.
i told ya'll that i don't play.
i seen drama every goddamn day.
so go ahead, yip yab away, cause now you got a lot to say.

cast your judgments, cast all your stones.
holding my hands, holding on to everything i have
because it's slipping away so fast and it's all i have.

i was like 6 then, we had no pot to piss in.
while most kids lives consists of shine and glisten,
mine was lined with mischief. a boy flipping.
devoid of times you find joy to reminisce in.
it's like time was missing, years were passing.
i was inside while kids were outside laughing.
no time for games, their fake toy planes were crashing,
while me.. my life was crashing.
at night fist fight left my mom's face smashed in.
her man's blasted, he threw her down a flight of stairs.
alone and scared i stared in eyes of men who didn't care.
my father was never there. now i am prepared for this
lifetime that is unfair, in life i fight from the bottom to the top.
in this life i had to fight for all that i got.
it hurts but i still won't stop, 'til my casket drops.